Martyr
It took me 7 days to figure out what to write about. Usually, I have my topics pre-planned but none of them felt right. None of them felt appropriate for this week. I found myself talking a lot about boundaries, friendship, and releasing over the weekend to multiple people. It was evident to me that many of us don’t set boundaries, especially in friendships. We allow ourselves to be a martyr for the sake of friendship.
I vote no.
Boundaries are essential to our everyday life. We need them in order to protect ourselves.
Therapists, healers, “the friend that’s always there”, all need boundaries for those they interact with.
Shit, we all need to set them.
When we don’t set boundaries we find ourselves in situations that really aren’t for us. We find ourselves being used or grouped into traumas that are not our own. We don’t deserve that. We also find ourselves giving so much without receiving that we become resentful. We don’t deserve that either.
I battled for most of my life with setting boundaries. I have found myself being put in compromising situations just for the sake of “being supportive”. I’ll be damned. It took me years of being burned out, secretly resentful, embarrassed and hurt to realize that I am not a martyr. I am not a mother to all. I am not a savior,
I realized, through therapy, that boundaries are important because without them you may become codependent on helping others….which can be manipulative in a way.
My boundaries change from person to person but the overarching "theme" (if you will) is "distance" and not being a "martyr". It hurt at first to set boundaries but I started small. I made myself more available to me than others. I made it clear when I didn’t want to or didn’t have time to do something. “No” became my favorite word. I ended friendships that no longer served me or that were attached to not-so-good people. I stopped going places I didn't want to go, this included family gatherings too.
I still struggle sometimes with boundaries when it comes to meeting new people but I am working harder on discernment and really allowing my inner compass to guide me. If I get a weird feeling about something or someone, it’s a hard stop for me now.
We don’t have to be everything for everybody. We never will be, so we have to stop trying. The only person we can be present for in that capacity is ourselves and even then we need boundaries. I set boundaries for myself, too. I know that I can only drink a little before I find myself drinking too much. I know I have to set boundaries for the environments I allow myself to go to. I know I have to set boundaries for the people I am around so that I don’t end up triggered. We need boundaries for ourselves too.
As the year closes out, I encourage you to reevaluate your relationships. I encourage you to see if you are a martyr and lack boundaries. Are you constantly being disrespected? Are you finding yourself in far too many compromising situations? Dead that shit. Set those boundaries.
It will not be easy but it will save your life. I know boundaries saved mine. Don’t feel guilty if others don’t get it, it’s not for them, it’s for you.
Protect and preserve your energy.
Come shine with me!
Losing My Balance
Anxiety can be paralyzing for some of us. It can feel as if the world is closing in on us and we cannot break free. There are so many ways to manage anxiety on a daily basis and as someone who suffers from it greatly, I have had to work super close with my own therapist to figure out what works and doesn’t work.
My anxiety looks like heart palpitations, crying, self-deprecating thoughts, and blame. If you didn’t know, I suffer from Bipolar 2 and PTSD, so when my anxiety kicks in….it can make me feel as if I am losing it.
This week hasn't been the best for me mentally so I have had to tap into all of my "tools" to manage not only a depressive episode but the anxiety that follows rapidly behind it.
For the last 2 years, I have worked so hard to stay afloat. The journey hasn’t been easy and it’s not a race so there isn’t a “finish line” for me. Sometimes I want to stay in bed, not eat, shower, or even speak to anyone. Other days I want to scream, fight, cry, or disappear. These are just a few of the things I have felt. When I feel these things, I feel like I am losing my balance. I feel like I am outside of myself looking in at someone foreign.
Managing my anxiety is a process and a lot of trial and error. It’s not #SelfCareSunday but I promised you all way before this blog (on Twitter) that I would do a post about anxiety and with the way the world is set up right now, shit….we all need it.
Don’t feel guilty for putting your mental health first.
Here are some ways I manage my anxiety:
Therapy - Therapy has helped me immensely and my therapist has been able to give me coping tools for when shit just ain’t sweet.
Aromatherapy- There are so many scents that can be used to elevate your mood or relax you when you are feeling anxious. Candles, incense, and even essential oils can relax you. The vibrational frequency of essential oils can clear your mind at rapid speed. You can put them in a diffuser or even get a bracelet or necklace to wear the scents. Spray bottles also help.
Top 3: Rose,Lavender, Myrrh. For a complete list look into purchasing Essential Oils Natural Remedies: The Complete A-Z Reference of Essential Oils for Health and Healing or type in your ailment + essential oil blend on Google.
Crystal healing - Crystals also have healing properties. You can meditate with them, wear them, or keep them around to help with your anxiety. Here are some I use for healing my own anxiety and depression.
Music - Creating playlists with soothing sounds, favorite songs, or songs that can change your mood are great for anxiety. I have a few, if you all are interested, I can post them on my Twitter page. (Comment below)
Meditation & Yoga- Both of these allow you to center yourself and be as present as possible. There are so many different types of practices on Youtube or apps for your phone like Insight Timer. I created a short Youtube playlist of some that help me.
Affirmations - Affirmations can be super helpful in times of stress. If you are online as often as I am or use your phone frequently, there are a few ways to find affirmations daily. Shine Text is a great FREE tool that sends you daily inspirational texts. Their twitter page is also padded with awesome uplifting things. Another person I follow who posts daily affirmations is @forevermines, her page is such a breath of fresh air and I can always refer back to it for some affirmations.
There are so many other ways to manage anxiety outside of the 6 listed above. What are some ways that you manage your anxiety? My therapist always tells me that anxiety is fear. I will continue to work hard to make sure that I don't let fear cause me to feel anxious. I hope you will try to do the same.