A Mindset of Discipline (Part One)
I try my hardest to be as organized as possible. I have planners galore, calendar notifications, and apps to assist me in my type a-ish ways. The issue isn’t organizing. The issue for me has always been time management.
Time management is such a key role in really getting shit done. You can write as many to-do lists as you want but if your time management skills are lackluster you will suffer. I know I have suffered greatly. I always got things done but the quality wasn’t half as great as it should have been – in my honest opinion.
There are some things that may flourish under pressure but that type of stress and anxiety can be…team too much. In 2018 I vowed to take on a new level of discipline in my everyday life. Discipline is what helps me have a better grasp at time management. Discipline is literally the glue that holds all that shit together. Without it things can/will fall apart.
So, we are 24 days into the New Year and I have been the most organized in my entire life and I have been really utilizing my 24 hours. My discipline has been extremely on point and I am really proud of myself. This is all wonderful but it is not easy.
Because I have allowed myself to slack off on things in the past like work, school, self-care, even this blog….this has been a challenge. Being consistent with my discipline is an everyday process. I am constantly trying new things and seeing what works and what doesn’t work.
Here are some things that do not work for ya girl:
- Phone reminders
- Alarms
- Multiple Planners
- HELLLLLLLA Project Management Apps
- MULTIPLE Accountability groups
- Excessive social media use
- Imposter syndrome when trying to get shit done (we will talk about this another time)
In the past 24 days, I have realized that those 6 things literally slow me down. I find myself spending more time focused on those things rather than getting shit done.
Here are some things that do work for ya girl:
- ONE planner that I spend every Sunday decorating & organizing for the week
- Trello – This is a project management tool that allows you to create different boards for different projects. I have boards for my finances, classes I teach, personal projects, blogs, and ideas. There is an app for your phone as well.
- Forest App - This app has a Google Chrome extension as well, it allows you to blacklist websites (on chrome) and limits phone use so that you can get things done while planting trees.
- Perspective: Daily Journal App – This has helped me track my moods and journal daily about my day. It is very helpful for those with mental illnesses and any type of chronic illnesses, too. I am able to track my food intake for my autoimmune disease & mental illness, symptoms, and my pain levels.
It may not seem like much but those 4 things have literally kept me in check this month. I realized that sometimes all it takes is a few things to create a mindset of discipline. I can see the difference in how I work day-to-day. I feel more balanced and grounded.
The feeling of discipline, so far, has provided me with so much extra time to do things like reading, writing, and even meditating more. I low-key find myself feeling like I have Beyoncé’s 24 hours daily because I get so much done without feeling super overwhelmed all the time.
This is only part one of my whole new mindset of discipline blog post. I will be coming back in a few months to talk about discipline in my spiritual practice. I am hoping that in 2018 we are all able to provide ourselves with the discipline in our lives that we deserve.
What are some of your favorite ways to stay on track? Do you notice that when you are not being disciplined in your days that shit goes left?
Comment below!
Come shine with me!
Perform No More
This is the time of year where everyone is figuring out what they have accomplished, going over mistakes they made, and trying to figure out what’s the big goal for next year. There will be vision board parties, new year new me posts on IG, and think-pieces about what to bring into 2018 and what to leave behind in 2017. All of these have a purpose and a place. All of these have significance to someone.
Throughout the year I have tried to find ways to better myself. I have done this through many different modes -- therapy, exercise, diet, friendships, healing, writing, dancing, reading, studying, retreating, reinventing myself..all necessary. One thing I can say I haven’t done is mastered self-preservation. I have found many ways to stay afloat and to exist but I can be honest and say that I have neglected certain things about myself that I need to preserve.
Self-preservation is often tied to extreme things like death or just staying alive.Then there is the flip-side where it can be seen as a way to protect oneself from the outside world and societal/systemic schools of thought that can break a person down. Doing just enough to not end up hurt physically but what about the mind. The mind needs preservation too.
I had a good friend tell me that my “form of self-care was making sure others were doing self-care but what about me?”. Sometimes we can get into the cycles and rhythms of helping others preserve themselves and ignoring the glaring red flags in our mind that we need to preserve ourselves first.
How does this happen? I believe it stems from the need to feel needed, the desire to be wanted, the eagerness to make sure others are doing well. Nothing is wrong with this but in order to really be of service to others, we must first be of service to ourselves.
I had to ask myself the hard-hitting questions. “Are you happy?” “How do you feel physically vs mentally vs emotionally?” “When you wake up do you feel ready for the day?” Let’s just say the answers were not all “love and light” like one would expect. I spent most of my year so concerned with my presentation that I didn’t take time to work on my preservation.
Because of this, I got sick, a lot, and none of my remedies were working as well or as quickly. My lack of mental preservation impacted my physical body. So, I had to do some digging. I had to figure out what I needed to do in order to preserve myself.
I had to first realize that my lack of care for myself was going to kill me and that I really have a lot of work to do in the “attempting to live for others and be perfect” department. Shit can be so toxic and foolish. This I know. I had to secondly realize that the more I ignored the signs of letting go of things the more difficult it would be to really be open to my blessings. And lastly….I had to quit my job.
From here I am not sure of a lot of things but the one thing I am sure of...is my decisions. I know that in order for me to continue to shine I cannot present instead of preserving. I cannot tell others to shine their light if I continue to let my own light dim when I feel weak or scared. This isn’t an empowerment piece, it’s a redirection piece. Shit, we all have moments where we forget how to take care of ourselves. This was my moment of many.
New year new me? Nope. New year, same me, better observation of self, less presenting for others, and grave preservation of self as a WHOLE.
How do you plan to preserve yourself moving forward?
Come shine with me!
That New New
This blog has been pushing along for almost 4 months now. I am so amazed and humbled to be able to provide content that resonates with my spirit and the spirit of others. I have been working on trying to create more content and things that will engage you and encourage you.
The creation of this blog happened literally during a meditation session I did with myself. I found myself feeling inadequate in many ways and I felt like I needed to ground myself and allow my heart to guide me. So I did. That guidance led me to this blog. The name You Are A Light stemmed from others reminding me that I was a light in their lives and that always made me feel so loved. I realized that I was only a light because of how brightly they shined on me. It was a reflection of their light and then a reflection of mine.
I had a great talk with someone and we brainstormed about ways to make our blogs better. She gave me so many great ideas and I am so excited to reveal what I have been working on for 2018.
Here we gooooo
- The Confidence Corner: Okay, so boom, I do a lot of readings, intuitive counseling, and advice giving to those I love. I value being compassionate and willing to lend an ear to those who need me and providing positive advice to those who request it of me. I have decided to start this new section of my blog so that I can be of service to anyone who needs some unbiased positive reinforcement. The Confidence Corner is an anonymous question -- answer section where I will provide advice and suggestions for our day to day problems. It's like Dear Abby but not really. My goal is to uplift and encourage.
- How I Got Over: Every month starting in January I will be featuring women and men who have overcome something through a means of therapy, writing, art, entrepreneurship, etc. These short interviews will allow them to tell their story but also provide wisdom for all of us who can relate to them and what they have been through.
- Light-Mail: I am starting an email chain. Yeah, you read that right. Every month I will choose 5 subscribers to start an email chain with me. The chain will go a little something like this: I will send an encouraging email to someone, they will send it on to the next, and so on, and so on, until the chain comes back to me. I am doing this so that we can keep the #LIGHTSHOW going by giving flowers to people we may or may not know. It is completely optional, of course.
I am super excited to start 2018 with these new ideas and I hope that they will enhance your experience whenever you come to my blog. Do you have any ideas or things you'd like to see me do next year on here? Comment below or email me! I would LOVE to hear your ideas! This is OUR blog so I have to make sure we are alllllll benefiting from it.
Come shine with me!
Martyr
It took me 7 days to figure out what to write about. Usually, I have my topics pre-planned but none of them felt right. None of them felt appropriate for this week. I found myself talking a lot about boundaries, friendship, and releasing over the weekend to multiple people. It was evident to me that many of us don’t set boundaries, especially in friendships. We allow ourselves to be a martyr for the sake of friendship.
I vote no.
Boundaries are essential to our everyday life. We need them in order to protect ourselves.
Therapists, healers, “the friend that’s always there”, all need boundaries for those they interact with.
Shit, we all need to set them.
When we don’t set boundaries we find ourselves in situations that really aren’t for us. We find ourselves being used or grouped into traumas that are not our own. We don’t deserve that. We also find ourselves giving so much without receiving that we become resentful. We don’t deserve that either.
I battled for most of my life with setting boundaries. I have found myself being put in compromising situations just for the sake of “being supportive”. I’ll be damned. It took me years of being burned out, secretly resentful, embarrassed and hurt to realize that I am not a martyr. I am not a mother to all. I am not a savior,
I realized, through therapy, that boundaries are important because without them you may become codependent on helping others….which can be manipulative in a way.
My boundaries change from person to person but the overarching "theme" (if you will) is "distance" and not being a "martyr". It hurt at first to set boundaries but I started small. I made myself more available to me than others. I made it clear when I didn’t want to or didn’t have time to do something. “No” became my favorite word. I ended friendships that no longer served me or that were attached to not-so-good people. I stopped going places I didn't want to go, this included family gatherings too.
I still struggle sometimes with boundaries when it comes to meeting new people but I am working harder on discernment and really allowing my inner compass to guide me. If I get a weird feeling about something or someone, it’s a hard stop for me now.
We don’t have to be everything for everybody. We never will be, so we have to stop trying. The only person we can be present for in that capacity is ourselves and even then we need boundaries. I set boundaries for myself, too. I know that I can only drink a little before I find myself drinking too much. I know I have to set boundaries for the environments I allow myself to go to. I know I have to set boundaries for the people I am around so that I don’t end up triggered. We need boundaries for ourselves too.
As the year closes out, I encourage you to reevaluate your relationships. I encourage you to see if you are a martyr and lack boundaries. Are you constantly being disrespected? Are you finding yourself in far too many compromising situations? Dead that shit. Set those boundaries.
It will not be easy but it will save your life. I know boundaries saved mine. Don’t feel guilty if others don’t get it, it’s not for them, it’s for you.
Protect and preserve your energy.
Come shine with me!
A Trip Around the Sun
A photo from my last trip to a park before my Solar Return. It was so beautiful. I can't wait to experience parks in the Fall months. (Louise F Cosca Park - Waldorf, Maryland)
Birthdays have always been super important to me. I always celebrate the birth of others as if it was my own. Seeing people make it through another trip around the sun brings me so much joy because many of us deal with things that could have killed us.
For my 27th solar return, I felt a switch. Something in me, as it got closer, became more aware, compassionate, graceful, and gentle. Something in me became more peaceful, expressive, calm, and reflective. Something in me changed.
I did a soul healing while in Charlotte for my birthday. It began with a foot soak and ended with a meditation to open my heart chakra. During this particular meditation, I could feel my heart opening, activating, and inviting love in while releasing love out.
Leading my life with love, compassion, and grace was my only goal for my 26th trip around the sun and for my 27th I want to allow that love, compassion, and grace to glow.
This year for my trip around the sun, I am doing something different, I am setting goals that feed my soul and spirit.
Be Present - Often times I preach being present to others but I forget to do it for myself. For this trip I will continue to focus on the now and not the past or the future.
Speak freely and let my words thump- When we speak we may say things that drop little stones but for this trip I want my words to thump when they hit. I want them to stick, to be intentional, to be powered by higher vibrations and love.
Use sex as a tool and not just an outlet - Studying Sex Magick and Tantra has completely changed my views on what sex is and what sex can do. For this trip around the sun I want to put my studies in motion and practice more intentional sex acts and healings. I also want to provide others with the knowledge and resources to work through their sexual wounds or traumas.
Take care of my physical body- I was so focused during my 26th trip around the sun on taking care of my mind that I forgot to take care of my body. I want to use this trip to create an apothecary in my home and to find remedies for my autoimmune disease & other ailments. I want to be gentle with my body like I am with my mind.
Jump with no fear- I can be quite methodical and tedious in my planning. For this trip around the sun, I want to take the leaps off the cliff of fear and achieve my wildest dreams. I cannot keep hanging off the cliff with one hand, I must let go, fly, and allow my light to guide me.
These are my 5 "soul goals" for this trip around the sun. We all have goals and aspirations but which will feed and serve your soul and spirit? Which will provide you inner peace and push you to lead your life with love?
Comment, email, or tweet me with some of your own "soul goals" for your solar return or just in general. We don't have to wait for a new year of life or a new year to set "soul goals". Start today.
Our “glow up” isn’t a destination it’s an ongoing exploration of who we can become and become again and again in different ways. We take many trips around the sun, let’s make them intentional. Let’s make them self-serving for once.
One of my friends gave me a great idea of sharing some of my self-care tips. So every sunday I will be posting a blog post with a self-care tip. If there is anything you want me to write about, let me know!