Losing My Balance
Anxiety can be paralyzing for some of us. It can feel as if the world is closing in on us and we cannot break free. There are so many ways to manage anxiety on a daily basis and as someone who suffers from it greatly, I have had to work super close with my own therapist to figure out what works and doesn’t work.
My anxiety looks like heart palpitations, crying, self-deprecating thoughts, and blame. If you didn’t know, I suffer from Bipolar 2 and PTSD, so when my anxiety kicks in….it can make me feel as if I am losing it.
This week hasn't been the best for me mentally so I have had to tap into all of my "tools" to manage not only a depressive episode but the anxiety that follows rapidly behind it.
For the last 2 years, I have worked so hard to stay afloat. The journey hasn’t been easy and it’s not a race so there isn’t a “finish line” for me. Sometimes I want to stay in bed, not eat, shower, or even speak to anyone. Other days I want to scream, fight, cry, or disappear. These are just a few of the things I have felt. When I feel these things, I feel like I am losing my balance. I feel like I am outside of myself looking in at someone foreign.
Managing my anxiety is a process and a lot of trial and error. It’s not #SelfCareSunday but I promised you all way before this blog (on Twitter) that I would do a post about anxiety and with the way the world is set up right now, shit….we all need it.
Don’t feel guilty for putting your mental health first.
Here are some ways I manage my anxiety:
Therapy - Therapy has helped me immensely and my therapist has been able to give me coping tools for when shit just ain’t sweet.
Aromatherapy- There are so many scents that can be used to elevate your mood or relax you when you are feeling anxious. Candles, incense, and even essential oils can relax you. The vibrational frequency of essential oils can clear your mind at rapid speed. You can put them in a diffuser or even get a bracelet or necklace to wear the scents. Spray bottles also help.
Top 3: Rose,Lavender, Myrrh. For a complete list look into purchasing Essential Oils Natural Remedies: The Complete A-Z Reference of Essential Oils for Health and Healing or type in your ailment + essential oil blend on Google.
Crystal healing - Crystals also have healing properties. You can meditate with them, wear them, or keep them around to help with your anxiety. Here are some I use for healing my own anxiety and depression.
Music - Creating playlists with soothing sounds, favorite songs, or songs that can change your mood are great for anxiety. I have a few, if you all are interested, I can post them on my Twitter page. (Comment below)
Meditation & Yoga- Both of these allow you to center yourself and be as present as possible. There are so many different types of practices on Youtube or apps for your phone like Insight Timer. I created a short Youtube playlist of some that help me.
Affirmations - Affirmations can be super helpful in times of stress. If you are online as often as I am or use your phone frequently, there are a few ways to find affirmations daily. Shine Text is a great FREE tool that sends you daily inspirational texts. Their twitter page is also padded with awesome uplifting things. Another person I follow who posts daily affirmations is @forevermines, her page is such a breath of fresh air and I can always refer back to it for some affirmations.
There are so many other ways to manage anxiety outside of the 6 listed above. What are some ways that you manage your anxiety? My therapist always tells me that anxiety is fear. I will continue to work hard to make sure that I don't let fear cause me to feel anxious. I hope you will try to do the same.
Come shine with me!
DIY #SelfCareSunday
My BEAUTIFUL Light...
I hope this week has been just as beautiful as you are. To get you through the next week, here's a #SelfCareSunday tip that I like to use.
This week I decided to make my own rose water for the first time. I usually stay away from DIY projects because they never come out the "right" way but I took a chance. I saw a video a while ago where Princess Nokia, a rapper from NY, made her own rose water. I remember watching that video and thinking "damn, that seems therapeutic". This same video appeared on my twitter feed this week and that was all the confirmation I needed.
It was very easy to make. I will list the directions below. The entire process was beautiful from start to finish. With each Rose I said "thank you for your love, beauty, and compassion" and as I put them into the water I said it again. I wrote a small note, dressed it with Heart Chakra oil, and set the rose water out under the full moon (my own extraness). I also put a rose quartz on top of the container as it brewed naturally overnight. The next morning I bottled it in mason jars with a little Florida water, petals, and some more 'thank yous'. It was such a peaceful experience and might I add, it smells GREAT!
Here is how I made it:
- Picked roses (I got mine from a local nursery)
- Boiled Water (I boiled filter water just to be on the safe side)
- Ripped them up and put them into a giant glass mason jar (it doubles as a sangria container ;-) )
- Poured the boiling water in
- Let it sit overnight
- Next day -- strain it, 1/4 Florida Water and 3/4 Rose Water
*you can store it in the fridge for a few months or so (according to Pinterest)
Let me know if you make it or if you have made your own version. I would love to know! I hope you take the time this week to make something that requires patience, love, and compassion.
Salvation
I often listen to audiobooks on my morning commute to work. Most of these selections are considered new age, enlightenment, or even self-help. One book, in particular, The Power of Now, has been resonating with me more now than it did when I first read it, chapter 8 specifically. Eckhart Tolle talks about relationships in a way that not only made my head spin but also made me evaluate my own marriage & how I interact with my husband. Tolle also made me think about past relationships with lovers and even friends and how they panned out.
He talks about Salvation, which is a word I used to tie to Christianity solely. When seeking love or seeking refuge we sometimes believe that another person will be that redemption for us. That way of thinking can make us become obsessive and set expectations that are irrational. We have all been there before, chasing unrequited love in hope for salvation or settling for anyone as a friend or lover just to say we have a “person”.
I had a talk with my husband a few days ago about my real thoughts prior to marriage. We talked about societal pressures and confusion. I expressed how I felt like it was the “thing to do” in order to be whole, he felt the same. We then talked about where we are now, a year later, and how as we both go through the journey alone yet together, we can see that we are whole persons and that we do not “complete” each other. That idea of “completion” puts pressures on someone to be “everything” to one person and that is an unrealistic and irrational task. I realize now that the reasons for our marriage were immature but luckily those reasons have drastically changed.
My healing journey sparked the curiosity in my husband. He knows that I cannot be his salvation and I realize that he cannot be mine.
Salvation is not elsewhere in place or time. It is here and now. - Eckhart Tolle
We are both blossoming in our own ways. I am learning who I am as a woman, who is queer, and married to a man and what it means to be present in salvation. He is learning who he is as a man, with a queer wife, and what it means to be present in salvation. We are learning to continue finding refuge in the present and redemption in ourselves. From that we can bring transformation into our marriage without trying to transform each other based on our own egotistical agendas.
Often times I get asked about marriage, love, relationships and I tell people constantly that your love for yourself reigns supreme. In order to blossom you must nurture yourself. Relationships are nice but how are you as a partner to yourself? That is more important, in my opinion.
How you treat yourself is important. It is one of the most important themes of life. How you love yourself is important. Do you treat yourself with the love and compassion you give others? Are you seeking refuge in things and people?
Shit, I know I have and I know I will again and again but I also know that I will gently remind myself that my refuge is within me. We all deserve to find redemption in ourselves, even if it is a lifelong journey.
Have you read The Power of Now? If so, did you like it? I would love to hear your thoughts! Comment below!
Come shine with me!
Gratefulness #SelfCareSunday
My BEAUTIFUL Light...
I hope this week has been just as beautiful as you are. To get you through the next week, here's a #SelfCareSunday tip that I like to use.
I am grateful for.... The cool air when I breathe in, Rose Water, my phone.
Being grateful can be difficult when times get hard or when you are just having a bad moment. To bring myself out of my own funk gently, I use a gratefulness journal. In this journal, I write 3 things I am grateful for. They can range from running water, my eyes or flamin' hot cheetos. I do this whenever I feel a little off or just as a reminder. Carry this notebook with you or use the notes section on your phone for convenience.
Writing down what you're grateful for can bring things into perspective. It can elevate your mood. It can ground you.
A Trip Around the Sun
A photo from my last trip to a park before my Solar Return. It was so beautiful. I can't wait to experience parks in the Fall months. (Louise F Cosca Park - Waldorf, Maryland)
Birthdays have always been super important to me. I always celebrate the birth of others as if it was my own. Seeing people make it through another trip around the sun brings me so much joy because many of us deal with things that could have killed us.
For my 27th solar return, I felt a switch. Something in me, as it got closer, became more aware, compassionate, graceful, and gentle. Something in me became more peaceful, expressive, calm, and reflective. Something in me changed.
I did a soul healing while in Charlotte for my birthday. It began with a foot soak and ended with a meditation to open my heart chakra. During this particular meditation, I could feel my heart opening, activating, and inviting love in while releasing love out.
Leading my life with love, compassion, and grace was my only goal for my 26th trip around the sun and for my 27th I want to allow that love, compassion, and grace to glow.
This year for my trip around the sun, I am doing something different, I am setting goals that feed my soul and spirit.
Be Present - Often times I preach being present to others but I forget to do it for myself. For this trip I will continue to focus on the now and not the past or the future.
Speak freely and let my words thump- When we speak we may say things that drop little stones but for this trip I want my words to thump when they hit. I want them to stick, to be intentional, to be powered by higher vibrations and love.
Use sex as a tool and not just an outlet - Studying Sex Magick and Tantra has completely changed my views on what sex is and what sex can do. For this trip around the sun I want to put my studies in motion and practice more intentional sex acts and healings. I also want to provide others with the knowledge and resources to work through their sexual wounds or traumas.
Take care of my physical body- I was so focused during my 26th trip around the sun on taking care of my mind that I forgot to take care of my body. I want to use this trip to create an apothecary in my home and to find remedies for my autoimmune disease & other ailments. I want to be gentle with my body like I am with my mind.
Jump with no fear- I can be quite methodical and tedious in my planning. For this trip around the sun, I want to take the leaps off the cliff of fear and achieve my wildest dreams. I cannot keep hanging off the cliff with one hand, I must let go, fly, and allow my light to guide me.
These are my 5 "soul goals" for this trip around the sun. We all have goals and aspirations but which will feed and serve your soul and spirit? Which will provide you inner peace and push you to lead your life with love?
Comment, email, or tweet me with some of your own "soul goals" for your solar return or just in general. We don't have to wait for a new year of life or a new year to set "soul goals". Start today.
Our “glow up” isn’t a destination it’s an ongoing exploration of who we can become and become again and again in different ways. We take many trips around the sun, let’s make them intentional. Let’s make them self-serving for once.
One of my friends gave me a great idea of sharing some of my self-care tips. So every sunday I will be posting a blog post with a self-care tip. If there is anything you want me to write about, let me know!